Random Zombie Bite!!! Stupid Zombie Jokes!!

Sometimes we find high end movies, sometimes really low budget films, other times just tips, today we found Stupid Zombie Jokes, by zombie puppets!!!

Videos by Matt Fincher

Random Zombie Bite!!! The Roost!!

From director/writer Ti West this is The Roost. I found their website theroostmovie.com which is has a pretty cool Drive in Look to it, where you can find Articles about the Flick through Scareflix.net Stills, news and contact info. This is a film I have not yet watched and found through our Random Zombie Bite search, but looks like one I will have to watch soon...

From the Zombie101trailers page

Part of a "special" late-nite television program...Four friends on their way to a wedding find themselves marooned on a mysterious farm. Creatures of the night awaken and the undead rise, as a night of relentless horror...Begins!

Zombies With Guns!!!

Sons of Bitches!!! I guess they got tired of scrimping, scratching, and biting for a meal. Shit just got real!!!

Random Zombie Bite!!! Zombie Nuts!!

Always on the search for something different I found Zombie Nuts by Zombee Nuts 

I also found a Zombie Nuts flick I liked a little better but could not pull it from Youtube for some reason so here is the link Zombie Nuts The Movie D

Rossetta Stone Zombie!!

You ever get that feeling you are not getting through to those flesh eating sons of bitches tearing down your front door, and crashing through your windows? Well now you can communicate with those crazy Zombie Bastards! Rosetta Stone now sells Zombie.

That's right it is amazing, in a few short weeks I was able to actually communicate with several of the walking dead. Some want to bite your face off, others just want a cheeseburger and are so frustrated they will settle for a nibble on your neck. While others would love a chance just to shake hands with the unemployed without their pecker rotting and breaking off in their hand. Rosetta Stone Zombie opens a whole world of possibility. You can tell the Zombies how to get into that assholes house down the street and they may be grateful enough to stop trampling your lawn and banging at your front door at all hours of the night. For just $249.00 you can open up your mind to the hoards of the undead, without them opening it up for you......with their teeth!!

It's a Zombie World!

 Let's face it Do I really need to explain this one?



Something we dug up on the Net!!! Jamaican Fast Moving Zombies!!!

With 28 Days Later and the Dawn of The Dead (2004 Remake) we have all seen the fast moving Zombies which brings up a whole new element of fear when it comes to Zombie Hordes but Imagine this!!! Yep! We would be fucked!!!

Random Zombie Bite!!! Peter Jackson's Braindead (Dead Alive) dinner scene

From Peter Jackson's Brain dead (or Dead Alive) the dinner scene....Classic! Not your normal Zombie gore fest, but pretty nasty in it's own way...You want an ear with that?

What is in a Poor Man's Zombie Survival kit?

We all want to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, and ideally we could have a great shelter,

Enough Food to keep you fat and happy for a while..

weapons up the butthole

 

 and enough beer to get fucked up till you run out of everything else...

But Some of us won't have any of that, or you will run out of beer and food and have to go on a beer run, oh and get food. But maybe we just start out up shit creek to begin with and once the house gets ransacked, you run out of bullets, and the food is all gone, you have to hit the road Jack.

But what are some basics you need to get on the move when none of the ideal items are available and you don't have Dora the Fucking explorer and her magical backpack? (Let's face it that bitch would survive the Zombies because she could pull anything from that backpack)

Okay let's start there you probably need at least a basic backpack to carry your shit. Something comfortable with plenty of room,

but in a pinch any backpack will do....

Let's fill this fucker up...

You are going to need something to eat, On the road you can do what you have to but you need to start somewhere. Before the shit hits the fan go to an army surplus store and pick up some MREs (Meals Ready To Eat) I know you are saying, well I don't have that shit laying around. Well if you are reading this now you have time, because if the dead get up and start munching on the living, I am not writing a blog to help your ass out, I will have my own fucking problems...Anyway

You bring up a good point (how does it fell to be right, you know it all Internet prick?)  If we are dealing in basics, some canned foods and a can opener will have to do. If you can carry it a good frying pan can double as a weapon, that you can smash a Zombie in the face with and heat some of that canned shit up if you don't like cold ravioli.

Now Fire is important so matches would be good, waterproof matched would be better...

Another important item may be a first aid kit. But if you are not a huge pussy and can deal with the normal scratches and bruises you can save space and get by.

And of course water is life, so if it is just a bottle to replenish as you go

Something a bit higher grade...

 or even better a canteen you are going to need something to carry some water in, Period!

No water and you might as well let Zombie Joe bite your sorry ass before you die of thirst.

Also if you can carry it, a sleeping bag would add a bit of comfort in a fucked up Zombie world...

But sometimes it is not about comfort it is about survival. So let's look at some defensive weapons most of us own. Again in a great situation a shit ton of guns would be awesome!!!

Even one would be great. But having no access to them we have to adapt and overcome.

So we go basic.. A Large kitchen knife is silent, can be carried easy and can puncture the skull with some force, but you have to get close, so be careful, those bastards are a all teeth once they turn.  Most people have a large knife in their kitchen so this is a definite in a poor man's Zombie world.

How about an ax?

If you go large this could be a great weapon, hell if this is all you have you have a leg up on a bunch of other people. But it may be tough to carry around..You could go hand ax for convenience...Again it is sharp, silent and a bit easier to crack through their Zombie skulls.

Speaking of cracking skulls, most of us at one point or another have played baseball which brings us to a great low budget weapon, that could be collecting dust in your garage right now..

Louisville Zombie head smashing Slugger

If by chance you have a wood bat you can go a step further with a hand full of nails...

Now you are kicking some Zombie ass home run style.

Finally you may be walking or running miles before you can rest a decent pair of shoes.

This list can be changed. We all have specific needs and ways to fight through. Just remember you need water, a way to protect yourself and something to eat. Beyond that if you keep clear of those lumbering fucking idiots...

You will probably be alright....

If we get lucky enough for fast moving types...

The running shoes may be important.

Good luck out there. I have seen a lot of you in public and unfortunately, some of you are lucky you can tie your own shoes, so I am going to assume, I may be bashing you in the head with my nail coated bat!!! Don't take it personal I just don't want to become a Zombie.



Random Zombie Bite!!! Tomb of the Blind Dead!!

Kind of like medieval meets Living Dead Evil!!

From the Blue Underground Youtube page

DON'T MOVE... DON'T BREATHE... DON'T LET THEM HEAR YOUR HEART BEATING...
In 1971, director Amando de Ossorio created what horror fans worldwide consider to be Spain's NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. In Ossorio's nightmare vision, a legion of Knights Templar - executed horsemen whose eyes had been pecked out by crows - rise rotting from their graves, hunting only by sound in a quest for human flesh. The BLIND DEAD saga begins here, as a modern-day tourist trip to the ruins of the Templar monastery unleashes a frenzy of lesbian desire, sexual violence and the unholy onslaught of the eyeless undead!

Zombie Sickness from around the World!!!

We all know the classics like Night Of the Living Dead, the new style flicks with fast running Zombies like 28 Days Later and the Dawn of The Dead Remake, and the funny flicks like Shaun of The Dead. But there are thousands of Zombie flicks made all over the world So I figured I would take us on a little trip to a few countries and find some Zombie entertainment you may or may not have known existed.... Does it make them great films? No Not necessarily, let's be honest I am no film snob, I like the good the bad and the ugly, I don't care as long as it is entertaining. If you are into flicks about the undead, sometimes even the bad ones are worth a look. After a shitfest garbage movie you might wish you had that 90 minutes of your life back, but on the same token you sometimes have to suffer through the bad ones to truly appreciate the great ones. I went and found some films you may know others you may not. But if you are looking to get yourself out of the normal Zombie box, even out of the country without a passport here are a few to get you started.

How about we begin our journey in Italy?

Dellamorte Dellamore Or Cemetery Man

There is a possibility you know this one as Cemetery Man, originally Dellamorte Dellamore  a 1994 film by Michele Soavi. This Horror comedy out of Italy stars Rupert Everett as a Cemetery caretaker, who is trying to get together with Anna Falchi, at the same time trying to fight a Zombie invasion. It is a great flick with a bit of a surprise.

Now let's head East to Japan

Next what do you get if you add some Japanese Mobsters, a little Zombie Apocalypse, a touch of Evil Dead influence and top it off with Kung Fu Theatre? You Get the Japanese Versus a film by Ryuhei Kitamura made in 2000

I know I should have gone straight to Greece from Italy but hey shit happens in the planning and you are not paying for a flight here so relax!!

Evil aka Το Κακό By Director Yorgos Noussias. I think this may be the first Zombie flick out of Greece.

From their IMDB page

An evil force is awakened in downtown Athens transforming the unsuspecting citizens into raving zombies. The few survivors will have to fight hard for their lives. To the death.

Okay please place your seats and trays in the upright position like it matters...We are landing in Germany.

Virus Undead (aka The Beast Within) This one takes us to Germany a film by 

Wolf Wolff and Ohmuthi. And brings together a Zombie flick with an antagonist right out of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.

Here is the plot summery from Fandango.com  

Virus Undead combines our fear of nature with our dread of disease to tell the story of a terrible zombie plague. An infection transmitted by diseased birds is causing corpses to reanimate in search of human flesh. As the army of the undead grows, a medical student and his friends find themselves surrounded by zombies, with nowhere to run. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

[Rec] I have covered this film in an earlier entry as RevDead's Top Five Creepy Scenes but I have to include this one since the concentration there was on the U.S. made remake Quarantine.

 [Rec]  Takes us into Spain and follows a reporter and her Cameraman into a house where the Zombie shit hits the fan and then they are locked inside.Shaky reality cam type work but it works great. Awesome Flick!!!

Since we are in Spain let's take a look at one more Let Sleeping Corpses Lie

Two hippie types are being followed by a 

cop who believes they have committed some

 local murders. But since you are on this site we

 know they did not do it...That's right Zombies brought back to life through Farm pestisides are the real killers here.

 

Okay travel is great but nothing like coming home, I guess as long as a Zombie outbreak hasn't happened in your hometown...

Like in ZMD Zombies of Mass Destruction Directed by Kevin Hamedani

Watch the Trailer you'll get the idea...

Random Zombie Bite!!! Boy Eats Girl!!

Boy meets girl, Boy Likes Girl. Boy Dies,, comes back from the dead lots of screaming, blood, Zombies and laughing involved!!

Boy Eats Girl

From IMDB.com

A boy declares his love for his girlfriend, only to die the same night. He is brought back to life by his mother as a flesh-craving zombie, who sires more teen undead while trying to control his, er, appetite for his beloved.

Random Zombie Bite!!! Super Sized, Big Budget, Resident Evil!!

Although I usually try to find the lesser known trailers, Lower budget flicks etc.. Today I wanted to go Big Budget. I am not much of a gamer, but have always enjoyed the Resident Evil flicks.

They are like Kung Fu theater, meets the Matrix, meets Dawn of the Dead, with a little Terminator sprinkled in for good measure. So today I just grabbed some Random Clips (by random I mean I did search for some of the better scenes) No particular order just some memorable scenes...Although I do love the rooftop scene from Afterlife. Anyway just some Random Scenes since this is the Random Zombie Bite!!! I could probably do an entire blog entry on Resident Evil and probably will in the future but for now enjoy this Super Sized Big Budget RZB!!!

Resident Evil 2 - Scene in the Church

 

Resident evil 3 Extinction

 

Resident Evil: Retribution

Resident Evil Afterlife Zombie Axeman

Resident Evil Afterlife Zombies Go over the Edge

Random Zombie Bite!!! ReAnimator!!

Sometimes there is a reason they come back...Herbert West is one of those reasons...An H.P. Lovecraft classic

ReAnimator

From YouTube

A dedicated student at a medical college and his girlfriend become involved in bizarre experiments centering around the re-animation of dead tissue when an odd new student arrives on campus.

A medical student and his girlfriend become involved in a bizarre experiment into reanimating the dead conducted by the student's incorrigible housemate in this campy sendup of an H.P. Lovecraft story. The emphasis is on humour but once the dead walk, there is gore aplenty.

 

The Truth!!! How It Would Really Be When The Shit Really Goes Down!!

You ever really think about what would happen if the shit went down today? I am talking Day of the Dead, Zombie eating your fucking face off, while his horde of buddies eat your dick and intestines type of shit. 

I know we all talk a great game when it comes to the Zombie Apocalypse, the rise of the dead, or whatever you want to call it. But let’s face it I have seen some of you mother fuckers drive in bad weather and you can’t even handle that shit. What if it is raining Walking Dead as you chug down your local highway and these animated corpses are popping like zits all over your windshield? You going to slow down, and fuck the rest of us behind you making us stop and the hordes rip out our windshield to have a fast food buffet right on interstate 40?  My guess is that is what happened in The Walking Dead.  Fucking bad drivers!! Morons!

Courtesy AMC's The Walking Dead

Now let’s get into the whole gun control issue. No I do not want to get political here and people against guns would say the Zombie thing will never happen stop living in the movie world.

Just a side note if it does happen I want this as my weapon of choice..

 Going back to the whole "It's not real" thing. Number one I would not have this blog or anything to write about if I did not tread a bit into the make believe realm of the Walking dead, Night of the Living Dead etc…. And on a realistic note, and I will not go into the deep end here either (again this is not a political website, I have my own beliefs and we will just say I shoot often, it's a fun hobby and I am not worried about protecting my loved ones when the shit goes down.)  We all need to step away from the movie world just a bit because shit that happens in movies like one shot one kill, never missing your target, fully auto machine gun Commando, Rambo style. Bullshit! Let’s move on.

 Now remember this dude? 

 Not specifically him but a guy you may call "Billy Bob" out in the country? For you city folks that old hillbilly crazy son of a bitch who you made fun of because he is all stocked up with food, water, weapons and ammo up the ying yang? Yeah him, that mother fucker is going to survive this shit and you will be crying and pissing yourself at his front door to let you in. Then he is going to remember you said his mommy and daddy were related and tell you. “How ya’ll like me now bitches!”  

How about defending yourself without firearms? Because once the proverbial zombie shit hits the fan and after the initial looting it’s not like you going to go and pick yourself up a nice new weapon. And that pepper spray probably is not going to get it done against a walking dead man suffering from whatever it is they suffer from, giving them the need to tear your flesh apart with their teeth, which I guess makes them feel better for the moment. I don’t know it’s not like we have Zombies anonymous, with Chuck Deadfuck stepping up to the podium saying “Hi I haven’t eaten the face off a baby in ten days and it is driving me crazy! But boy do I like me some fresh Hispanic meat with a tinge of pepper spray.” Although give the government a chance and I am sure we will have ZSA (or Zombie Support Agency) to waste more money on, Along with Zombie Awareness week.

But at that point they will probably be called the Living challenged.  And we will all have to figure out how to speak Zombie. Maybe this would help....

 Anyway! You also are not going down to the local dojo to learn some crane technique or train MMA style to help you punch through some Zombies face!

So what am I saying in this post? A lot of us are going to be Zombie food.

I know it is depressing, but you need to know the truth you lazy spoiled pricks! Even if you go by some of the basic ZombieLand rules, I don’t know let’s take Rule #1 Cardio, we are fucked as a society.

Courtesy ZombieLand

A side note this rule is somewhat disputed by Alen Edwards and his Blog Me and My Shovel 
A good read and I will revisit this in a later post.

 Today we have lazy ass kids sitting down playing video games all day, the already walking dead with their heads in their electronic devices texting their lives away without communicating with others.  Shit when the system goes down and they can’t text are they going to speak in a new language “Hey Chuck LOL, I 8 a HSA 2day and LMFAO wil* getting MAEFAZ” (translation Hey Chuck I ate a huge smelly ass today and laughed my fucking ass off while getting my ass eaten from a zombie.) side note *wil is due to the fact they can’t fucking spell anymore anyway and is supposed to be while. Now back to the program!

Some of them may just eat the business end of a shotgun if this screen pops up...

                                   

 and they can't figure out a way to figure out how to catch up with the fucking Kardashians or vote online for some untalented prick on name that reality show.

How about eating to survive? Do some of us even know what a cheeseburger looks like without having a McDonald’s wrapper around it to start with? Zombies have to eat and this is what you look like to them...

It's not like they are going to starve to death but a full Zombie is a happy Zombie.

No Micky D's will make it a bit difficult when you have to figure out how to eat what is available or eat when drive through becomes the meaning for hitting a Zombie at 70mph.

The plus side it could become a great new fad diet. Here is a rough draft of the ad campaign.

(Announcer voice)
Now you can lose 30-50 pounds in three short months, with the Zombie apocalypse happened, I don’t have anyone to pamper my chubby video game playing lazy ass and I can’t find a Twinkie either…It all starts with Zombies tearing shit up you somehow getting those non muscle fat legs to move fast enough to avoid being Zombie thanksgiving dinner and having to shit in the woods for weeks on end looking for something that won’t give you the shits so you have to shit out in the woods for weeks on end. If you figure out how to fend for yourself since mommy and daddy or the government is not there to support your ass anymore you just may survive a leaner meaner new lighter you. Don’t call 1-800-URFCKED now because all lines are down and you are probably dead anyway”  So this is the first draft of the commercial, but I got other things to get ready for so don’t know if I will put together an LLC yet or not.

The fun part about this depressing post? Look around you. You can probably pick out some of those who will survive

 and some who won’t.

 And don’t get me wrong, you can be a trained mercenary with shitloads of war experience, MMA fighter, tri-athlete, who can live off the land for weeks and just one lapse in judgment you get  bitten and become part of the horde.

Or you can be a bumbling lucky bastard (hey, he beat anorexia, why not the Zombie Apocalypse?)

who just lives with a horseshoe up their ass and makes it through to help populate the world again with chicks who through lack of choice like getting it on with Joe Bumblefuck nerds like you... Unfuckingbelievable!!!

That is just the way life is people. In the end what does it really matter, billions of the living dead, you survive it all kicking and screaming, you fought your way to be the last human being on the planet, then the Alien invasion happens and they burn this world to a crisp. What the Fuck! or for you Electronic device dependent Walking Dead fuckers WTF!